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Dear reader entry #06

Writer's picture: Resilient ChameleonResilient Chameleon

Hey stranger, it’s been a while! And yet not much has changed since last I gave you an update... It’s all good though! Life seems to be teaching me to do things slowly and mindfully these days despite the desperate need to hurry up and “grind to get things done and get paid". Capitalism sucks. It's been nice to slow down and be intentional but not for too long because when you basically make exposure for a living in this economy, a break is a privilege. So when I find moments like this where I can write and reflect and to just breathe, I feel deeply grateful.


So what's happened since our last chat you ask?

Let's start off with August.

I celebrated birthday month mostly in silence. I know, big shocker there. I barely went out and spent most of it indoors, resting, breathing, slowing down and just being alone and in nature. I had some company of course but severely minimal. I went to a yurt mid month and spent hours talking about Life and its' journey with some friends. It was nice and insightful. I had a lot to reflect on and be thankful for. It was a beautiful rainy getaway. On the other hand, back in the city when I did go out to dance, I made responsible choices and didn’t go too high up in space. I simply floated and returned back down to earth safely on my feet and danced. I had so much fun at Soul Supreme Fest, as well as during my rooftop show at Darling Bar. (Go see the video!) That was a beautiful night. Probably the best show I put on this year yet. For the rest of the month I just conserved my energy and mental health in preparation for the Fall production I was gonna do in September. I am so glad I made the choice to rest because I truly believe it made a difference in my process. Jumping into a very quick and short rehearsal period for a big musical production after having only done one musical is hard. I have a ways to go. Anyway, back to August! I thought it was great. I went to a completely opposite direction of what I had anticipated for birthday month. I chose to celebrate in a demure and mindful way on and I am very glad I did. 29 feels like a year of being more intentional. I am gonna do my best to protect my peace and to honour my needs and boundaries first. It’s harder than it seems so we'll see but I’ll be sure to give myself grace when I do fail the first few trials. Wish me luck.


September was so much fun. I feel that I am always at my happiest when I am working on something and creating. I had the pleasure of working with a group of amazing bad shit crazy bitches on a musical. There was so much joy in the rehearsal space and quite frankly it was what made me survive the intensity of learning a whole musical in 2 weeks. I am not as experienced in that world of theatre yet so I was really anxious about my own performance, but in a room full of kind and supportive people? My anxieties melted away each time. I had such a great time that now that I think of it I can't believe that part of my life is over. It feels like it was years ago. It flew by so quick. I miss it so much. What a gift that was.


Now that October is here it's colder and colder each second, the sky is greyer by the day and I can't help but feel my hearts weight get heavier too as I'm sure lots of you also probably feel. The weather was really promising for a while up until today, where the sun, like a part time lover, was not around anymore when I woke up. I know she's there, just hiding away and all I could do now is miss her warmth which felt so good on my skin.

Gah! Enough drama. I think I get enough of that from watching too much Gossip Girl lately. Anyway, I think that's all really is what's new. Like I said, a lot has happened but not a lot has changed. Time passed and here I am. I still feel that I am on this journey of navigating spaces with my guard up. I am still developing a positive relationship to my Loneliness. It terrifies me every now and then when I think about Time and its power. I have done so much all year and yet it feels like I haven't moved an inch. So much has happened and yet not a lot has changed... But perhaps that is also the little voice in my head that criticizes and minimizes every achievement I have bit it big or small? Like for example, I released a new single last month! (Go listen! Would super appreciate it). I am so glad to finally have put out a new song after two years. I definitely could do more especially on the marketing aspect but that is all in the works for the next couple of months. Right now the priority seems to be to ground myself, to focus and to move with intention, leading with Love.




It's hard these days, so I try to hold on to small things that bring me joy. Lately I've been finding my smile from candlelight and binge watching Prison Break. What about you?


H<3

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